Grave Memories
by Nekosblackrose
Summary: L visits Light's grave and reflects over their time spent together. (This is a slight AU where L found out Light was Kira and Light dies instead of L.) (Rated because of mentioned sexual relations between men.)


**A/N: I just wrote this because I felt like being sad and depressing…I hope you guys like it :3**

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Grave Memories

The sun might've been shining and a soft spring breeze may have been playing through the grass and the sky was possibly free from clouds. But none of this hid the fact that there was a heavy downpour within the great mind of L Lawliet. His usually emotionless black eyes were filled with sorrow and pain as his bare feet carried him through the open gates of the cemetery. His hands curled into fists in the confines of his pockets as he walked the all too familiar path. His black hair contrasted greatly with his sickly pale skin, and there had once been a time when someone would have chuckled with fondness at that fact. But there was silence, for he was alone.

He came to a stop at a headstone and shifted to scratch his shin with his foot before folding himself up into his normal sitting position. His pale hands clutched his jean-clad knees as he stared at the words etched into the stone in front of him.

'_Light Yagami_

_Beloved son, brother and friend_

_February 28, 1986-January 28, 2007'_

L couldn't help it when he reached out with his pale fingers and traced the name-once, twice, thrice-before his fingers just came to rest over the first part of the name. He stayed still, staring at his hand over the name for a long time. And he thought. He thought a lot. If he wanted, he could speak these thoughts, but he didn't want to break the silence around him.

_I miss you,_ Was his first thought. And from there they merely flowed like water through his brain. _Remember when I said that it would be quite dark without light? I was right. This world is very dark without you, Light. Especially for me. I truly do wish we had met under different circumstances. Them maybe things would have been different. We would have lasted longer and I wouldn't be alone again. I do not have Watari with me anymore. He died before you did. _L winced at this thought. He didn't want to dwell on that fact for too long. He drew his hand away and rested his forehead against his knees, hiding from the accusing sun.

_You know, Light…we had very similar views. You just…went about it in a very wrong way. We both wanted justice, but you became exactly what you were fighting against-the enemy, the monster. But I saw that you were not completely that. You showed me what it was like to have someone and then…then you were taken away from me. By Kira. I know that you were Kira, but it wasn't really _you_. Kira was an entity that attached itself to you and fed off of your dreams and twisting them into what made you do the things you did. That is what I believe, and I am never wrong. _

L's thoughts went silent then and he raised his head to look at the headstone again. There was a small, sad smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. _Do you remember when we first came together in a physical manner? I cannot think about it without smiling now. And yet I want to cry…even now. _He rubbed his eyes against the sleeve of his shirt to keep the tears at bay. That moment in L's life had been one of the best. All of the best moments included Light and his smile, his touch, his eyes, his voice, his hands, his arms, his body…his love.

He could still remember exactly what it felt like to have Light wrapped around him, inside of him or himself inside of Light-all of it. He could remember every kiss, every sound, every touch and every look. He remembered the way honey brown locks felt when he ran his fingers through them in awe, or when they tickled his chest as Light pressed close to him to sleep, or even when they brushed his stomach as Light kissed below his bellybutton. The image of caramel eyes melting in affection was still vivid in his mind even now. The way they always softened when the drifted L's way made him feel special. And according to Light…he was.

He buried his eyes in his knees again and let out a shuddered sigh. Even after all this time the memory was still fresh. The way those eyes had looked when Light had died…they had been filled with mixed emotions, but the most prominent one had been that of release. He was free now. Free from Kira and the Death Note. But as a result L was caged. Caged by the memory of Light.

_I love you, Light…and I miss you so much…I'm hurting. I don't know how to let go. I've tried, but I have nothing else to hold onto. Yes, there are more cases, but they are trivial and never last longer than a day or two. Your memory is all I have left. Can you forgive me if I don't let go? _

It was well after midnight when L made his way out of the cemetery. He left no flowers or token, because there was no need. Light had him-body, soul and heart. He needed nothing more. But L…L would always be torn. He would always cling to a memory that was long since dead.

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**A/N: I know that Light's date of death is wrong, but I thought it was right that it was changed since it's an AU and things are different in this. **


End file.
